If you’ve been reading squareblind.co.uk for a while – you may have learnt two things – I’m fed up with Zombies and Stars Wars. But I do love dinosaurs! Alas, there are a lot of atrocious games featuring the planet’s greatest ever reptiles – not helped by a dearth of kickstarter games preying on our inherent love of these scaly beasts, like the clever girls they are.
But amidst, the dross there are some great dinosaur moments in videogames…
Saints Row IV – Enter the Dominatrix which was DLC that became a game that became DLC… In a post Zinyak universe – the Saint’s virtual reality becomes warped by a sado-masochistic presence. The only hope for the last of humanity – which happens to be the purple-donned, presidentially-elected Saints – is the alien race of Velociraptors.
Did you really expect anything else from a game whose banner weapon is a humongous gentleman’s member.
Not only Nintendo 64’s best dinosaur game, but one of the best games on the console. It uses the tried and tested combination of guns, dinos and jungle ruins.
Turok’s titular protagonist is a Native American time-traveling warrior. Both progressive and bizarre. Despite an arguably superior but confused sequel, the series hasn’t resurfaced since 2008’s reboot. It’s probably one for the nostalgics – but want to do some time-travelling of your own? Go back to 1997 with the re-master, currently on PC and on Xbox One soon.
Dinosaurs! Space Cowboys! Half-Life! Modular Weapons! What more could 1999 PC game want? This popular Space Cowboy mod which was promoted to a full release after stealing the show at E3. Powered by the Half-Life engine (although originally developed for Quake), it take its cues in story-telling mechanics from Valve’s magnum opus.
Although Gunman Chronicles’ true villains are the alien Xenomes and a returning martyred general – the game at it’s best on a jungle planet with Turok inspired Meso-American ruins and dinosaurs; finishing up with Brontosaurus boss fight.
There was a land before (the current) time, when the most immersive gaming experiences where at bowling alleys. The first Jurassic Park arcade game had an articulated seat and two joysticks with triggers. What you got was a not so faithful, blast em’up through Isla Nublar.
With $15,000 you too can replicate this over all the Jurassic Park films. But only concern, is that despite the weaponisation fantasies of the series latest movie, or the steroidal-safari of Lost World – the arcade games take the a second dino-extinction to the next level.
Claymation beat’em up – which despite a roster of dino-fighters, got as much heat as the spine-ripping Mortal Kombat. As with similar games, and the horrendous MK movies are evidence enough – these games aren’t about story. But why have Scorpion rip out a spine when you could have an evil monkey urinate on his vanquished foe as a fatality.
Despite the fighters and gore, Primal Rage is surprisingly sweet. It’s Ray Harryhausen inspired graphics have a special place in my heart, but I should probably stick with One Million Years B.C.
Featured image is based on Gamer Dinosaur by deviant art user PonderingArt.
Screenshots of games are sourced from – Saints Row Wiki; Turok: Dinosaur Hunter Wikipedia page; Gunman Chronicles Moby Games page; Jurassic Park The International Arcade Museum; and Primal Rage Wikipedia page
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